Can't think of a title

What a busy year this has been.

Almost at the end of it, I feel that I have achieved a fair bit, and done some absolutely amazing things. That being said, the only things that I really regret happened this year; I guess the good doesn't come without the bad, though.

Anyway! Highlights... Amsterdam with Uni, Travelling with the girls, Nederland to see the jongens, Munich with the DV - DV in general. I am so proud to be President of something that I absolutely love. We are such a beautiful community, it's amazing. I've also met some absolutely incredible people this year, that I think (and hope) will be in my life for a really long time.

I think next year is going to be a reallllly big one though - I have so much planned for it already. I'm excited, because the seeds of some things that could potentially be amazing have already been planted.

So bring it on, I say.

For Kenny.

There once was a boy and a girl.

She admired his legs whilst he played rugby, then accosted him at the Under 18s disco.


There were no complaints.


They became firm friends and wanted to get together, but timing didn't want the same.

Every time they met they had twinkles in their eyes; but that was all.

Until the time is right, and maybe it's getting that way.

Fed Up

I'm really fed up and a bit bitter at the moment. Everywhere seems to be couple central, and though I'm not entirely short of interest, nothing ever really seems to happen, and it's very frustrating. I miss that feeling of really liking, or even loving someone. Wanting to be with them, and spend time with them. The same people always seem to be in relationships, how is that fair?! Perhaps they can't be on their own, which isn't a good thing. But still. It's annoying. The same goes for a lot of my close friends too - gorgeous girls who are AMAZING - but still, nothing. What is actually occurring? The only answer is to move abroad, I say. People I like seem to be abroad!





I want to be like her, the saucy minx.

Nan (Thought I did this weeks ago?)

My nan is an absolute BABE. She's doing GCSE photography and took pictures of all the Grand-kids for it - but I only have the ones of me on my laptop, so will put the rest up later. Here are a few!

Too Long

It's been too long since I've written on here..! I had a lot of drafts that I never published, for some reason.

I'm back in Sheffield now - but before I talk about Uni life I'll update on the end of my summer in pictures and words...

I went to Ireland to see my Dad, and my friends, it had been 2 years since I'd been. I have no idea why, I used to go all of the time. I love it because I like to go on long walks and I did, when weather permitted. My best friend there, and anyway, Kara, turned 20 and had a hilarious night out for it. True friends are tested by passing time and distance, and she passes the test every time - I would tell her anything. Literally. That's what real friends are for.

I got lost in vinyls in my loft, my Dad's record collection is quite literally endless. I also watched loads of videos from when I was little, and immensely enjoyed it!

I also saw someone I used to love, and got another glimpse of what that was. Just a glimpse, though - was enough.

The most exciting thing, however, was going to Holland to stay with my friends. They live in Eindhoven, so I flew there from London Stansted for a grand price of £16. After some chilling and buying nappies in Albert Heijn with Stefan and Tho for Yves, we had dinner then went out to De Thomas where Yves works! A Dutch man told me he liked my headband, but that's about all I understood, my Dutch is strained when there's loud music playing and too many biertjes have been drunk!

Then we did a bit of 'Roadtrippen' from Horst to Maastricht in Rusty. (Nils' car) We cooked some Paella at Frauke's then went to see the Belgian band dEUS at a free festival, and drunk a few too many biertjes again. The next day we looked around Maastricht and it is really beautiful, it was a gorgeous day, and I loved it, it's very quaint.

After gathering my things in EHV, I got the train to Nijmegen to go and see James who is there on his year abroad. And who I miss ridiculously. If you get off the train at Nijmegen-Lent, it's vaguely scary - it looks rather bare. But Nijmegen itself is also gorgeous - there's even a bit of a hill! I couldn't cope with that after getting used to how flat it was. I stayed with Yves on my last night before I went home, and on the morning of my early flight it was pouring down with rain. Real case of pathetic fallacy right there. Then home through the tube strikes.

I felt so down when I got home, I had such a good time, and I feel so at home. My friends are all amazing, and I feel so at home with them that I felt I could easily have stayed and just happily slotted in. Also, I rode a bike. But mainly rode on the back of Stefan's, which was so much fun, even though I had a sore bum. Basically, Ik hou van Nederland!

That picture is of Lucy causing mischief out of my window - namely wolf whistling then hiding. Honestly! Being back in Sheffield is so good. We have our beautiful little house and even being back at lectures is pretty good. I love the whole experience - learning (yes, really, I love it), going out, and just being with all my friends here. It really is amazing.

So this has been a blog-update, rather than one of my more pensieve posts. But there we are. I read this poem today, one of my French friends has to do a presentation on it - I wouldn't fancy doing this in another language, as much as I love them.

Crazy Jane Grown Old Looks At The Dancers

I found that ivory image there Dancing with her chosen youth, But when he wound her coal-black hair As though to strangle her, no scream Or bodily movement did I dare, Eyes under eyelids did so gleam; Love is like the lion's tooth. When She, and though some said she played I said that she had danced heart's truth, Drew a knife to strike him dead, I could but leave him to his fate; For no matter what is said They had all that had their hate; Love is like the lion's tooth. Did he die or did she die? Seemed to die or died they both? God be with the times when I Cared not a thraneen for what chanced So that I had the limbs to try Such a dance as there was danced - Love is like the lion's tooth. WB Yeats. Ferg is annoying <3

Lyrics

The other day I was walking around somewhere in London, and, as the weather is so glorious at the moment, I sat down in the sun and just listened to music. And I wrote down some of my favourite lyrics in my little pretty book that I carry around with me (from the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam).

So I am going to write some in here; they are all totally random I think, at the moment I don't think there's a theme..

Why pamper life's complexities when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?

This is just brilliant, plain and simple.

Take that smile off your pretty face, cause' you don't have much I can't take away.

I love that. The power that one person can have over another so bluntly put; yet you can so imagine it happening. Blindly in love, the smile fades as quickly as it came.

I need direction to perfection.

Don't we all? I mean, nobody who is a perfectionist would like to admit this at all, but it is true. Although the cliché is that nobody is perfect, some people are close. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, of course. That cliché is just a timeless excuse, really - but not for me :)

I close my eyes on the dance floor, forget about you.

Again, simple. But I really sympathise with this feeling, wanting to bury yourself in the night, in the music, in the atmosphere, in the crowd; basically anything apart from think about who you are trying not to think about. Let the alcohol (that is inevitably involved) flow through you. Excellent!

Quand je suis dans mon lit je ne rêve qu'à toi, et quand je me réveille je ne pense qu'à toi. (When I lay in bed I dream of nothing but you, and when I wake I think of nothing but you)

It sounds better in French! This song is beautiful, and poignant. There is quite a lot of repetition, but it kind of just cements this incredible adoration of this object of somebody's affection. It captures that incredible feeling of infatuation, when you feel like you physically cannot think of anything, or anyone else.

She'll loan you her toothbrush, she'll bar-tend your party.

Can't even begin to describe this song. This girl...What a girl.

After sex, the bitter taste, been fooled again, the search continues.

I adore this song, mainly because it compares these emotions to the Berlin Wall, so it's very exciting if you're me. These words though, they're sung with such kind of grit in his voice. Not just plain anger at being duped once more, but disbelief in this happening again, and a reluctant acceptance that the 'process' starts all over now. And only in a few words.

She don't believe in shooting stars, but she believes in shoes and cars.

Different things make us happy.

Then you gazed up at me, and the answer was plain to see, cause' I saw the light in your eyes.

These definitely aren't done justice by just writing them, such an old, classic tune. The first time my Dad played this I was instantly caught by it, it's infectiously catchy and I loved that chorus line. Because you do know, don't you? If you really like someone, then they look at you that way - we all know what Todd's on about. Beaut.

This is our last embrace, must I dream and always see your face? Why can't we overcome this wall? Maybe it's because I didn't know you at all -

- Kiss me, please kiss me, kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation.

Oh, Jeff. Why did you have to die?

These lyrics, this music, it does things to me that other people can't.

I really, really identify with these lines in particular. You don't want it to be over, you know it is. You've clung on to every tiny, minute, little shred that was left, because it was love, or at least, you believed it to be so. And it all wasn't quite as it seemed, so... Even though you don't want to end this familiar thing, you know that it will be to your absolute detriment if you don't. So end it now, end it nicely before it gets worse.

But perhaps a desirous kiss may be too much to ask for?

So basically this is a massive ramble, but that's what blogs are, I guess? I just like talking really, and music. Excellent combination, really.

And a couple of pictures I took a while ago..

Summer Starts...

Exams are over, I'm back in London, and my Treasure Hunt Europe is complete! Therefore I have copious amounts of time on my hands.

The last few days of my first year of University were pretty mental, and now I'm home and have time to think, it has hit me that I'm 1/4 of the way through my degree. How disgusting! I cannot believe how quickly it has passed; and now it all counts.

I have so much to look forward to next year, though; having my own house to share with some of my best friends, all of whom I have made this year; being President of the German Society, and LEARNING more, yeah, I'm a massive geek, whatever though, I enjoy it ;)

Also, hopefully more travelling like the ridiculous amount I did in the last week! Our main destinations were Amsterdam, Luxembourg, Strasbourg and Berlin! So I started in my second favourite place, and finished in my ultimate favourite! On Wednesday, we were in the last 3 all in one day, it was an unbelievable experience. We went through Brussels and Antwerp and Lille too, and we saw so much in 5 days, so many places that I went to go back to; Here are some photos...




















I do love a bit of travelling. Hopefully this summer there will be a lot more in store for me, but it

all depends on time and money.

They are the key to everything.

Why am I awake, I have an exam in the morning.

Procrastination is key.

I know I like to stay up late, but, frankly, I don't know why I'm awake because I have a Dutch oral exam tomorrow. One of the reasons that I am awake however, is probably because I've out-dutched myself so much today that I can't get ridiculous phrases out of my head like 'Zijn deze peren in de aanbieding' - (Are these pears on offer?) I know, right!

It is MOST annoying; though I do absolutely adore Dutch.

Yes, you heard, I love Dutch. And I hear you say 'Dutch? Ugh! Why would you love it? It's so THROATY! And all Dutch people speak English; why don't you learn Spanish?'

Because I want to learn Dutch, that's why. And for your information I like the 'throaty-ness' of it, and as my lecturer says, it sounds exotic! And everyone learns Spanish, I like to think outside the box, you know. Personally, I think it sounds pretty impressive, seeing as it is only taught in about 5 universities in the country.

I also love all the Dutch people that I've ever come across. Most of them seem to just be a bit more relaxed and just fun. I mean, I can't generalise for the whole nation, but they work hard and party even harder, it seems. They are also so much more than everyone thinks; take Amsterdam for example. To most of the world it is a weed-smoking-general-getting-smashed-taking-any-kind-of-narcotics-kind-of-city. But it really, truly is one of the most beautiful place that I've ever been to. That houses are absolutely ongelofelijk (incredible/unbelievable). Every single one is different and just so quaint and beautiful! They are kind of higgledy-piggledy and all different shapes and sizes (to do with the fact that it cost more the wider your house was, the more surface area it took on the ground - but not how tall it was, so some are really high and look like they might fall over) All overlooking thegrachten (canals). There is so much culture to be had, and loving art as I do, I must say that the Van Gogh Museum was one of the best I've been to. Amsterdam is exciting, yet quiet at the same time, but it does come alive at night, and is a good night out. The Red Light District was one of the most fascinating, most disturbing places that I've ever been to. At first, I didn't know where to look, then I couldn't stop looking, then I wanted to get as far away as possible, as quickly as possible. Funnily enough though, even though it is what Amsterdam is so very famous for, we couldn't even find it because it takes up such a small part of it; the city is so much more than just prostitutes.

I hope to go to Holland in the summer to see my friends, who are all guys and who are all lovely. The one that I am closest to is, to me, a perfect example of why one should learn languages, or at least, learn and experience other cultures. We met by chance and immediately became so close, and now I can hardly remember what it was like when I didn't talk to him nearly every day. He taught me about Holland and its culture and taught me some phrases, and it fascinated me. Also, his English is absolutely amazing. Then when I started Sheffield Uni, I picked up Dutch beginners and it has changed my life - that may sound strong but it really has. Next year I am doing more Dutch than French, something that I never even thought would happen, but I can't get enough of it. And now I can practice with my friends and they can teach me more and more and, eventually, I hope I can be as good, or even half as good as he is at English. I enjoy learning it so much and it's so exciting to be able to speak some Dutch now, it means that I can meet even more people.

That's something I love about learning languages; my Mum always says that I have verbal diarrhoea, and, by learning other languages, I can talk non stop to millions and millions more people. I love meeting new people, especially foreign people. My friends always laugh at me for having so many friends dotted around different places, but it's because I genuinely want to practice and want to experience their cultures so much. It is a kind of rush for me. I also have a bit of a 'thing' for foreign men, but I think it's just because they're speaking another language - therefore if you're English and can speak a languages you are bound to impress me too...! Miriam once called me an 'international tart', which I thought was quite offensive, but I know she didn't mean it rudely really, she was very apologetic after she saw the look of sheer shock on my visage. She was egged on by Ms Lorsery saying I was like a sailor, with a different man in every port. Honestly, I don't know where these ideas come from.

On that note, I'm going to try to go to sleep now, and I think I will go a bit crazy and read 'De Griezels' which is the Dutch translation of 'The Twits' by Roald Dahl, before I go to sleep. I'm starting off easy, okay!

<3

Times are changing..

I feel like things are on the up - I've had the most amazing past few days and I can't help but get a funny feeling that things are a changing, as they say.

You know when everything apart from maybe one little, niggling thing, is going great, and then the niggling things sorts itself out, and you think, wow - things are incredible.

This is how I feel.

I'm hopelessly happy. I am very much enjoying feeling like this at the moment. I've realised how very lucky I am to be who I am, and how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. And just when you realise how blessed you are, someone else comes into your life and makes it even better, then one finds oneself grinning from ear to ear.

I like to be smiley.

Everything is good. I want it to last. My heart is so...

FULL !

New, what I want.

This is my first real blog. I had to do one for German at school, but that wasn't really, you know, proper. I'm not really too sure what I am going to write here yet.

Being back in London these last couple of weeks has been good; at Christmas I went slightly crazy, but this time I've had a nice time. It has given me time to think, and breathe, but in a good way. I've seen my family, and seen friends that I haven't seen in a really long time. I have also come to a conclusion:

I have a lot of close male friends, and I've realised that at some point or other in my life, I have been romantically involved with them in some way-though to very different extents. And some I have always been, and always will be, just friends with. Some, well, perhaps one, or maybe two, I realise I still like when I see them. Or realise that I liked a lot more than I thought.

I have a massive capacity for love and all things romantic. I think there are always a lot of people that could be deemed as 'right' for you. It depends what is going on in your life at the time. I think my problem is that I can see potential in a lot of people - I like quite a lot of different things and I never like to label myself, or anyone else for that matter. So there are a lot of people that would suit me and my character. I say a lot, I mean a select, lovely few; but still a few. This poses problems, and often means that I'm never satisfied.

I want to be satisfied, though.

At the same time, I am incredibly picky. And I get bored VERY quickly, I need to be kept on my toes. I want someone who can level with me interests-wise, but not someone exactly like me. I want someone with passion about something cool. I want someone who is at least mildly intelligent. I want someone who respects me, but will debate with me, and not back down at the smallest sign of 'banter.' I want someone who is not afraid to tell me the truth. Someone who gives me the right amount of compliments, and who I am insanely attracted to.

Thing is, maybe I shouldn't be so picky? I don't know. I find it all very confusing. If you aren't sure whether to make something really something with someone, should you just go for it? Or should you just leave it? That is, if there is even anybody in your life for you to choose from. We all have dry patches.

I love this poem by Wendy Cope:

Bloody Men

Bloody men are like bloody buses —
You wait for about a year
And as soon as one approaches your stop
Two or three others appear.

You look at them flashing their indicators,
Offering you a ride.
You’re trying to read the destinations,
You haven’t much time to decide.

If you make a mistake, there is no turning back.
Jump off, and you’ll stand there and gaze
While the cars and the taxis and lorries go by
And the minutes, the hours, the days.